Little Keir and The Mean Fayries

It was the Friday before Easter - Good Friday - when everybody is sad but is looking forward to eating lots of chocolate in a couple of days. As he waited for the Easter Bunny to bring him his well-deserved chocolate eggs, little Keir decided to go to church. Because that is what nice people do on that day. No one is sure why he decided to go to that particular church, because it is quite well known that this is not a very nice church; one that didn't like fayries. Perhaps it was because all his posh friends - Theresa, Boris, Charles and Camilla - had visited that church before him and he wanted to be more like his posh friends. 

So little Keir decided to go to that church, even though some of his best friends were fayries. And to make sure that everyone knew what a good boy he was, he decided to make a video for his social media. In the video, he explained how he liked what the church people did, and what a wonderful example the church was. You could even see him praying with the pastor of the church in the video. 

After his visit, he went home and he posted the video, feeling very satisfied with himself, and wondering how many new friends he would make after people saw what a good boy he was thanks to this video. But unfortunately for little Keir, some of the fayries saw his video too and because they knew like everybody else that the church isn't a very nice one - one that didn't like fayries - they started to mean things about little Keir for visiting it, asking why he had decided to go that particular church and not to another one. A nice one. One that did like fayries. 

Little Keir was confused at first. After all he had recently told his fayries friends how much he liked them and how he was going to help them when he grew up. So he went to see some of his fayrie friends and he told them that the visit to the church meant nothing at all, but that he was totally sorry he had done it. He didn't delete the video though, because some of his other best friends might like it. And he made sure he didn't talk about any of this to anyone else. He was hoping that the fayries were satisfied with what he had told them and that they would start watching another rerun of Drag Race and forget all about it. 

But, unfortunately for little Keir, the fairies had already watched all the reruns of Drag Race already and were still not happy, and they carried on saying mean things about him. So much so that four days later, he had to ask his friend Rachel to tell the whole story of his Good Friday visit in a different way for him. A different way that he knew the fairies wouldn't get angry about. 

And so Rachel put on a straight face and reassured everybody that little Keir really did like his fayrie friends and that they should trust him. She also said that the mean fairies criticising little Keir didn't understand anything to anything. Rachel said that they were mistaken and that little Keir had in fact been visiting a vaccination centre, and not a church at all. His video had been quoted out of context, that was it! 

Some of the people listening to Rachel understood that this was right, and that little Keir had apologised to make his fayrie friends happy, which was very nice of him, really. They understood that there was in fact nothing wrong with his video. They agreed with little Keir that he had been right all along and those mean fairies criticising him really didn't understand anything to anything. 

Unfortunately, the mean fairies didn't like the story Rachel told on behalf of little Keir and they were even more angry now. It was such a great story! Rachel couldn't understand it. Little Keir couldn't understand it. In fact, Little Keir was very sad now, because many of his friends had decided not to talk to him any more, and he was not even sure he had managed to make the new friends he was hoping to make after he showed everyone what a good boy he was who goes to... vaccination centres on Good Friday. 

Eventually, little Keir saw that he didn't have a choice and he decided to apologise to the fayries. He said that the church he had visited and praised was in fact not a nice church at all, although he didn't know at the time. Everybody knew that but no one had told him, which wasn't nice either. And even though he really didn't want to, he had to delete his lovely video too. 

Rachel seemed a little sore, for some reason, but most of the fayries were happy with his apology. It looks like they could be his best friends again, even if some of them unhelpfully pointed out that it took little Keir longer to do the right thing than it took Jesus to come back from the dead. Little Keir thought to himself that Jesus didn't have to always try to make lots of new friends and that the ones he had let him get on with his business without meddling. 

As he finished off the last of his Easter eggs, little Keir considered how his friend Boris was always able to do and say whatever he wanted without any problem. And here he was, always having to be mindful of people's feelings. Life really wasn't fair!

Background: Keir Starmer apologises for visiting church behind gay 'exorcisms'