Skip to main content

Valentine's Day Aftermath

I received a piece of rather sobering news today that, if I wasn't already such a cynic, would probably have made me one. Last night's excitment, related in my previous post, is all but dead and I am back to my usual stupor. Gone is the fairy godmother, back is the spinsterly old bitch.

TH just told me that nothing would be happening with SC for the very good reason that he (TH) already has a boyfriend. They have been going out for three or four weeks apparently and things are going well. SC has apparently been made aware of the impossibility this creates.

TH has apparently committment problems which lead him to do things "unconsciously" that will endanger his relationships. I was apparently one of these not so unconscious things. He said he was going to cancel, had I not said we were only meeting as friends.

We were chatting on MSN about that so I don't have much details. I know that lots of people show that type of behaviour. I have met such people before and I can understand why this is happening but I have problem accepting this particular example of the problem. Not only did TH actively seek someone else to be unfaithful to his boyfriend with but he also did that on a highly symbolic day. It's not like he just succumbed to temptation or had a truely unconscious reaction. And yet he says he is committed to the guy.

I know that a big issue I will have to face, if and when I enter a relationship, will be that of trust. I am not here talking particularly of sexual faithfulness (which, contradictorilly perhaps, I don't think I really care about) but rather of the fact that I need to trust the people I have around me (all the more so in the case of a partner). I need to know that they are not trying to decieve me, that I can rely on them and that they will be truthfull with me.

I guess also, that although this has very little to do with me (and even though I am not blaming him for anything), I feel slightly betrayed myself by TH's behaviour presumably because he acted apparently so resolutely and cold-headedly to deceive, well, both his boyfriend and myself. We have quite clearly clicked and it looks like we are going to be great friends. This episode however is a set back of the evolution of the friendship and one that will require some effort to overlook.

I have also often dwelled on the fact that, from my observations, love and relationships seem to be more often than not a source of pain and suffering rather than happyness and growth. This episode will do little to alleviate my doubts and while I will probably keep on pining for my princely soulmate, like the good prepubescent teenager girl that I can be, I also find myself comforted in the idea that I perhaps am not so bad on my own after all, however miserable a situation it can be.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

A Short History of the Elephant and Castle and Its Name

Last night I attended a lecture by local historian Stephen Humphrey who discussed the general history of the Elephant & Castle, focussing more particularly on what he called its heyday (between 1850 and 1940). This is part of a week-long art project ( The Elephant Project ) hosted in an empty unit on the first floor of the infamous shopping centre, aiming to chart some of the changes currently happening to the area. When an historian starts talking about the Elephant and Castle, there is one subject he can not possibly avoid, even if he wanted to. Indeed my unsuspecting announcement on Facebook that I was attending such talk prompted a few people to ask the dreaded question: Where does the name of the area come from, for realz? Panoramic view of the Elephant and Castle around 1960/61. Those of us less badly informed than the rest have long discarded the theory that the name comes from the linguistic deformation of "Infanta de Castille", a name which would have become at

Rev. Peter Mullen's Blog

Rev. Peter Mullen is the chaplain to the London Stock Exchange and the rector of St Michael's Cornhill and St Sepulchre without Newgate in the City. Rev. Peter Mullen was also until recently a blogger. Sadly the result of his cyber labour seem to have been deleted but Google has thankfully cached some of it and I have saved a copy for posterity, just in case. The deletion of Rev. Mullen's writings might just have something to do with the fact that last week, the Evening Standard and then the Daily Mail published an article (the same article actually) about some of those very writings (even though the elements of said writings being quoted had been published in June this year, at the time of the blessing ceremony which took place between two members of the Church of England in St Bartholomew the Great - picture ). In the article, we learned what the Rev. thinks about gay people and what should be done to them: We ["Religious believers"] disapprove of homosexuality

Liam Messam and Tamati Ellison Swap Jerseys

I am having a bit of a vacuous evening looking at images of pretty rugby players. Addidas, with its latest viral campaign, Jersey Swap , seems to be squarely aiming at the gay market with a selection of five antipodean rugby players, visitor to the website can select and see take their tops off and... well... swap jersey (those interested can create posters too). My favorites of the bunch are Liam Messam and Tamati Ellison . The pictures of their pretty faces and bulging naked torsos (excuse me while I sit down for a second!) included to this post should tell you why. A job well done for Addidas. This will go round the Internet for a while, I think.